This month Mr Wonderful and I have been doing a “quick lil” kitchen refresh together (and yes, we are still married #barely #funnycuzitstrue).
In lieu of the $30,000 dream kitchen we’ve been planning in the year since we moved in, we decided to relieve ourselves from the financial and logistical stress of doing the Full Monty, and instead, wave a paint brush around and see what happens.
We took down some of the uppers, replaced them with open shelving, painted the remaining cabinets and walls white (see ya never, orange-stained wood from the 90’s), bought a dishwasher (because, kids), swapped out the wood-and-pewter-knobs for simple, Nordic-inspired black ones, and added a cheap and cheerful white tile backsplash.
It’s an incredible difference, and for less than a tenth of the cost of a full reno, should tide my
need for perfection aesthetic self over for awhile.
Worth mentioning here is the subtext of this story: my friend, we have lived here for a year.
To the day.
And in that 365 day window, we have:
- replaced all the electrical (#centuryhomeproblems)
- replaced all the walls and ceilings
- re-painted said walls and ceilings
- refinished two bathrooms
- installed a hot tub
- installed four ceiling fans
- built in new closets
- re-located the laundry from the main floor to the upstairs floor
- ripped out a perimeter of hedge
- built an at-home office
- refreshed the kitchen
We have done 90% of that ourselves.
While raising three tweens full time, navigating the loss of my father to complicated brain cancer, caring for an elderly family member, running a rental property…
…and you know, working.
👉🏽So shout out to all my toxic overfunctioners (who are addicted to work).
When you are used to doing everything by yourself, 2 things happen:
1. It becomes increasingly difficult to trust others to help you
2. You start to associate your identity as someone who does it all
Then almost inevitably, a third thing happens:
3. You burn out 🙋🏼♀️
😱And because you find it SO hard to trust anyone to help/do it like YOU can, it feels DANGEROUS to ask for help, because there has literally been no safety in receiving help from others.
😭Plus, because your identity is now wrapped up in DOING (and frankly achieving), or it feels threatening to your ego and persona to even ASK someone for help.
🤬So you just keep burning the candle at both ends, getting more exhausted, short-tempered, quick to anger with your partner, kids, or those close to you…
…and it doesn’t feel good, does it?
🛠️Now it feels like you’ve built yourself a prison, not a career path, and you’re looking for an escape plan – ideally NOT in the form of a Molotov cocktail that burns the whole thing down.
🏽🏼What if – and hear me out – the “escape plan” looked like tuning out to tune in?
👯♀️What if the escape plan looked like allowing yourself to be seen, heard, and held in your experience?
🙋🏾♀️What if “asking for help” simply meant letting someone else in to coach and guide you through it, meeting you where you’re at right now, navigating through with tender transparency that allowed you to name, de-shame, and normalize what you’re feeling right now?
This is exactly what I walk you through in my signature trainings for leaders and teams who want to get out of their own way to live, lead, and succeed on their terms.
(Kitchen designs not included 😉)
Are you ready to let go of the pressure to do it all, by yourself?